Jan Birkeland reports from Sydney.

Right now the second annual storage networking world conference is underway in Sydney -- with an appalling lack of interest from New Zealander’s.

There is no question about the validity and value of such a conference for people operating in the storage space. One would think more New Zealanders would take the opportunity to network and keep up-to-date with where the industry is moving.

The storage networking industry association (SNIA) has the acronym ANZ added to its name, but it seems they might as well drop the NZ from that.

Asking around, the closest I could get to a Kiwi at the event was a speaker representing a case study from a hotel chain in Auckland. When asking the organizers, they replied that they ”thought we had a couple of them around. I think I’ve seen two of them. I think.„

Incentives from SNIA, such as paid admittance were clearly not enough.

Exectutive director at SNIA ANZ, Rob Stirling, briefly aired the idea of a smaller event in New Zealand in the future, but Sydney does not seem far enough away to justify that. It would also be hard for a New Zealand conference to attract the top of the line international speakers the Sydney conference had.

For New Zealand to stay on par with the rest of the world in storage, events like this needs to be attended.

- Jan Birkeland

Posted by Bill Bennett September 27, 2006 1:26 PM | Comments (0)

The smelly brown stuff certainly hit the fan at Hewlett-Packard last week -- and we're not talking about something spicy to perk up your sausages.

While this scandal isn't quite on a par with, say, Enron, the plot twists like a soap opera.

HP's bad press was supposed to end when current CEO Mark Hurd was appointed. He was picked as a safe pair of hands to get the company back on track after the train-crash known as Carly Fiorina left HP without a proper strategy, Compaq's failed business and with too much of the wrong kind of media attention. Fiorina was supposed to be a marketing genius -- but it turned out the only thing she could to sell was herself and the contents didn't quite match the packaging.

Recently Hurd was chose to take over from chairman (obviously no politically correct job titles at HP) Patricia Dunn who was originally scheduled to leave the company at Christmas but actually departed on Friday.

According to the latest reports from the US, Hurd is personally implicated in the company's phone snooping mess. He know investigators were looking at reporters' phone records.

So it now looks as if HP's corporate headhunters will shortly be hunting for two new senior executives. Given the recent track record of office holders in the company, the CEO position is in danger of becoming a posioned chalice.

The sad thing about all this, is that Hurd's strategy appeared to be working. Ethics aside, HP seems to be running in the right direction. Of course, this may make that poisoned chalice look a little more tempting to an incoming boss.

Posted by Bill Bennett September 25, 2006 3:34 PM | Comments (0)

Dear SAP,

Surely you can do better than describe Larry Ellison's sledging of your business and your products as "a complete misrepresentation"; or "inconsistent"?

That's not much of a rebuttal.

Ellison is a street fighter. He likes a stoush. He dissed you in public. Now he wants to see whether you're prepared to come out swinging or whether you're going to scuttle off wimpering.

Right now it looks like he's figured out you don't have the stomach for the battle to come.

And make no mistake the battle is on. This is one game you Germans can't win by keeping the ball in your own half, playing for time then hoping for victory in the penalty shoot-out.

Oracle's recent stellar results show the world Ellison won the first round. His barbed comments and your wimpish response show us he's already ahead on points in the second round. Are you guys up for the fight or are you going to retreat all the way home?

Luckily for you, I can help. When it comes to trading insults, our neighbours the Australians are masterful. The Australian cricket team has turned sledging into a tactical nuclear weapon, but for my money, when it comes to a public slanging match the reigning world champion is former Australian Prime Minister Paul Keating.

Check out Paul Keating's insults for some inspiration. At the very least learn to describe Ellison as a maggot or a scumbag.

Who knows, you might get to enjoy the fight.

Posted by Bill Bennett September 21, 2006 5:02 PM | Comments (5)

Gartner says Apple has priced its iPods to make a profit.

To paraphrase Basil Fawlty: "Can't we get you on Mastermind? Next contestant: The Gartner Group. Special subject: The bleeding obvious'"

Apple products have always been priced at the high end of marekt acceptability. How about some ORIGINAL insight into the iPod market?

Posted by Bill Bennett September 19, 2006 9:52 AM | Comments (0)

One of our favourite regular sections in Private Eye, the British satirical news magazine, is Pseuds' Corner. It's where the magazine reprints pompous twaddle; for the most part quoted material written or spoken by people who really ought to know better. Obviously many people in the local IT industry fall into this category.

Private Eye also runs an occasional Solutions column poking fun at the, often ridiculous, way this all-purpose word is used to increase the opacity of marketing bumf. Presumably business writers and speakers think the word sounds so much smarter than a more straightforward alternative like, say, 'thing'.

As the examples here show, this is yet another arena where New Zealanders’ performance is world class. All of these have been sent to Reseller News in the past two months and have been taken directly from press releases or company emails; don'tt laugh yet, your work may be here:

Symbol Technologies: LS3008 barcode scanner provides an affordable, high-performance, rugged scanning solution
- meaning it's a cheap bar-code scanner.

MYOB: Acquisition of Comacc creates a complete solution ...
- we think this might have something to do with the glass being more than half full.

Fujitsu Australia and New Zealand: Fujitsu is a full-service provider of information technology and communications solutions
- do they come in pint glasses or in buckets?

Altiris: Altiris counters security threats with Endpoint Security Solution
- sounds like the solution Socrates drank just before he died.

Packeteer: Packeteer launches iShared Branch Office WAN Optimisation Solution
- we're still puzzling over this one.

Onesource Group: Onesource Group buys Australia's largest independent document solutions company
- does this involve putting paperwork in a blender?

NetIQ: NetIQ, a leading provider of integrated systems and security management solutions, has been recognised by top industry research groups and publications
- obviously the disguise solution didn't work.

APC: APC launches new modular row-based cooling solutions for high-density environments
- it's got ice cubes floating in it.

Hewlett-Packard: Massey University selects HP and Laser Plus to supply a nationwide multifunction printing solution
- didn't we used to call that ink?

Symantec: Symantec to Support Linux on POWER with High Availability and Backup Solutions
- someone has shouted the next round while we're still drinking this one.

Wavelink: Wavelink to distribute VoWLAN solutions in Australia and New Zealand
- bartender, I'll have two.

Argent: ARGENT ENHANCES REVOL'S US NETWORK WITH ITS IN - does this mean the Reseller News editor has already had a drink?

Posted by Bill Bennett September 18, 2006 3:43 PM | Comments (0)

Microsoft says its Zune music player will go on sale - in the US at least - before Christmas.

No doubt the company would love journalists to describe the new gizmo as an iPod killer.

Some probably will. But despite a very interesting specification and powerful friends in the music industry, the Zune is unlikely to do serious damage to Apple’s iconic device or its reputation.

It all comes down to the apparently intangible cool factor. Rightly or wrongly consumers regard Apple as cool.

Microsoft never has been and never will be cool. It doesn’t get remotely close. Not even tepid.

To understand this, try googling for ”steve ballmer monkey boy video„. In a few seconds you’ll learn why Microsoft is the epitome of uncool.

Posted by Bill Bennett September 17, 2006 2:22 PM | Comments (0)