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Crap 'Friends'

A company supplies a service to the marketplace. However, some people through using the company’s product are getting severely reprimanded at their jobs and in the worst cases are being sacked.

Moreover your hedonistic use of this company’s service for now may pass without comment, particularly if you are studying with no formal censure other than your like-minded (hedonistic) users, but later on it could severely hamper your career.

Well, hello, there is just such a company and it’s called Facebook and it has 200 million users.

For example: that online picture of you protesting outside the Chinese embassy at a Free Tibet demonstration could sink you applying for a job 15 years down the line at an international law/engineering/architect firm with business in Asia. (Tibet will never be free and this company’s service never forgets). And as for a joke photo of your pretending (!) to smoke P or a crack pipe - you had better start practising saying, ”Would you like to supersize that sir,” with a smile on your face.

The stories of people getting pinged because of what they wrote on their public pages are legion. And the message hammered home is, ‘Keep your Facebook profiles private’.

But what happens when your ‘friends’ dob you in for what you wrote?

It is happening. In real life some of your so-called ‘friends’ give you grief; that’s why they end up known as former friends. So why anyone would think that online friends would be any more loyal is a bit of a mystery to me.

Facebook has been of the top shining international success stories of Web 2.0, but unlike the other success stories (YouTube, etc.), it’s got a bit of a dodgy past as covered in the New Yorker. You will need to scroll through to page 7 of the article to get to this little gem:

”In a lawsuit filed in a Massachusetts federal court in September, 2004, the three founders of HarvardConnection, which is now called ConnectU, allege that Zuckerberg stole their idea and connived to delay the site’s launch so that he could complete Facebook first. Zuckerberg denies any wrongdoing, and in November, 2004, Facebook filed a countersuit, charging ConnectU with defamation. The case could go to trial next year.

”Both sides agree on some facts, including that in November, 2003, Zuckerberg agreed to work on ConnectU. He says that the programming he was asked to do was more complicated than he had expected, and that he got caught up in academic work. ConnectU’s founders, the Winklevoss brothers and Divya Narendra, claim that Zuckerberg deliberately procrastinated. To support their case, they showed me a series of e-mails that they have filed with the court.”

The case was subsequently settled out of court, with the standard confidentiality agreements between both parties.

At the US-based Edjurist website school teachers are strongly advised not to use Facebook.

”If you use Facebook in a non-professional manner, just be prepared to be fired for it. Students, parents and administrators absolutely will check your page and that information will be used in employment action against you.”

And how long, if it has not already happened, before a person’s Facebook page is subpoenaed by the prosecution/defence in a legal case where the person’s character is a critical part of the prosecution/defence. Let’s say a charge of rape. Your innocent, but comments - even tongue in cheek comments - made years before about women in general after a bitter break-up could cause you a whole lot of grief.

So why are people signing up to Facebook, like there’s no tomorrow? This from the New Yorker article:

”The eagerness to parade in public on the Internet still surprises many people. Duncan Watts, a sociologist at Columbia who has been studying social networks for a decade, says that the growth of sites like Facebook and MySpace reflects a dramatic shift in how young people view the Internet. ”Now everyone is used to the idea that we are connected, and that’s not so interesting,” he told me. ”If I had to guess why sites like Facebook are so popular, I would say it doesn’t have anything to do with networking at all. It’s voyeurism and exhibitionism. People like to express themselves, and they are curious about other people.”

That was the smooth highway for Facebook back in May, 2006 when the article was published. These days, well there are some serious potholes in it. Because people are going to continue to stuff up on the website and land themselves in trouble.

The ”I lost my job because of Facebook” stories will continue to roll out because, at the heart of the matter, having a crap friend on Facebook is so much more damaging than a real life one.

An Apple of an idea

The Woz has been eliminated from the US version of Dancing With The Stars. Yes, the creative genius behind Apple was ever so publically back in the spotlight and lasted through four episodes before getting the boot.

This isn’t Steve Wozniak’s first foray into television. In 2007 he was dating comedian Kathy Griffin and made guest appearances on her TV show Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List and he acted on two episodes of a drama series Code Monkeys.

The Woz effectively left Apple in the early 80s and has had something of an ‘everyman’ life, for a guy who is a multi-millionaire and can count himself as one of the 100 greatest living geniuses on the planet.

Back in 1981 Woz crashed a plane he was piloting and dropped away from Apple, attending Berkeley University and earning an undergraduate degree. He returned to Apple in 1983, but left permanently in 1987. As Wikipedia states:

”He founded a new venture called CL 9, which developed and brought the first universal TV remote control to market in 1987. Wozniak also taught fifth-grade students.

”In 2001, Wozniak co-founded Wheels of Zeus (note the acronym, "WoZ"), to create wireless GPS technology to "help everyday people find everyday things

”In 2006, Wheels of Zeus was closed, and Wozniak founded Acquicor Technology, a shell company for acquiring technology companies and developing them, with Apple alumni Ellen Hancock and Gil Amelio.”

(He also blew a chunk of money staging the US Festivals in 1982 and 83 in California. With the glut of music festivals that have followed in the last 25 years - Lollapalooza etc they have kind of being forgotten. Though true fans of the band the Clash (such as me) instantly recall that the 1983 event was the last performance of the band with Mick Jones on guitar.)

Ok, here’s the pitch for my Apple of an idea.

If you put the words ‘Steve Jobs', ‘diagnosis' and ‘cancer' in an online headline you had better have got your facts damn straight, because with those three words your story is going to get fired around the net faster than you can breathe. Cue, falling Apple stock price and that metaphorical knock on your door will be from Apple lawyers wanting to rip your heart out (and, no, they won’t bother with an anesthetic.)

Now, unlike Microsoft where Bill Gates set up his succession before departing, I’m pitching that there is only one man with the mana who can fill Steve Job’s shoes while he is on sick leave. And that is the other Steve, the Woz.

It has of course been 22 years since the Woz was engaged with Apple; however his Wikipedia entry notes this point. He is still an employee, receives a wage and holds stock.

That’s the bare hook Apple has been floating for two decades, here’s the bait.

Make a reality TV show about Steve Wozniak stepping back into Apple to run the company. The Woz already knows the actual process of making a TV show and has had a taste of TV fame (such as it is, given he is one of the 100 greatest living geniuses on the planet).

So bring it on I say. The first two episodes can be a will he or won’t he scenario. And then the Woz will return. Now we are talking reality TV here, so a couple of senior Apple employees will have to ‘play' the ”I don’t like this at all” card, and attempt to sabotage his return.

But they will be won over by about episode five. Episode six can go off on a tangent about a kitten or a cute puppy, wheel in Larry David for a cameo on episode seven then cook up a manufactured crisis and spin it out to episode eleven … and the grand finale wrapping up episode 12 is the return of the other Steve.

With all the ‘Macheads’ there forming an instant core audience for the show, and with a website where they can air their views on each episode, it sounds like a winner to me.

And the show’s title: ”The Wizard of Apple returns”.